Who’s Who in Monte-Cristo

WHO'S WHO & WHAT'S WHAT IN MONTE-CRISTO
(last update: O5.15."14)

The RULER: Louys, Prince Ovationné par le Peuple comme President (POPP for short). Following the local tradition, has even more brothers and sisters than Maurice de Saxe (the concept of ‘legitimate’ vs ‘ illegitimate’ child is unknown in Monte-Cristo). Is rumoured to maintain a permanent force of 366 (because of leap years) ‘active’ –but undeclared– wives. Since at any given time a *lot* of young, attractive and officially unmarried Monte-Cristan women are traveling up and down whole Europe, Monte-Cristans have a ‘rumour within the rumour’ they carefully avoid to share with strangers: besides their annual matrimonial duty, the 366 ‘active’ wives (and most of ‘retired’ ones) would constitute a continental-scale web of secret messengers, spies, go-between, seductrices-then-blackmailers, assassins and agents of any species and role of the Presipapal diplomacy.
Louys is said to be the most devious diplomat of Monte-Cristan history. He created the Presipapal Bank or Sustainable Development and Constantly Increasing Profit (‘Secrecy – Security’) to harbor the anonymous numbered accounts of most european Poweful and Influential People: the best deterrent against any invasion. He had the thermal Baths (also providing ‘thalassotherapy’) and the Casino built, to attract (and despoil) overwealthy foreigners.
(Did you notice that, according to their official portraits, rulers age far more slowly than ordinary humans?)


Scoubi: in the double aspect of Dr. Scoubi & Mr. Dou, this genial, lovely Petit Bordeur (re. O5."09 comment) is probably closer to Louys' heart than any *living* human being.

Feeling to have already buried his share of beloved ones, Louys hopes his Petit Pere will outlive him.





Political System:
The Compagnie Noire -the Black Company, a mercenary outfit led by Francois des Entommeures, settled in ravaged Monte-Cristo by the end of the French Wars of Religion. The warband was actually a large mixed force of six battalions strenght, the soldiery followed by at least twice their own number of women and children, widows and invalids.
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At first des Entommeures appointed himself ‘Prince of Monte-Cristo’ (previously the country had been at most a minor county). Soon, in an effort to merge his followers with the native population, he enacted that the Principality would formally become a Republic. His place at the head of the country would have to be confirmed by a general ballot. All Monte-Cristans over 18, men and women, native or recent settlers, received the same civic rights.
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Yet Monte-Cristo is not a republic, given the rules of succession: the ruler chooses his/ her successor, a choice validated by a popular ballot. Hence the peculiar status and title of the ruler, both an hereditary Prince (though nothing prevents the ruler from choosing from out his / her bloodline; then, given the extreme… popularity of successive Monte-Cristan rulers since the late 16°C, all Monte-Cristan families are now of princely blood) and an elected President. While Monte-Cristan use the POPP acronym as a name, strangers, specially foreign Courts, prefer to use the title ‘Prince-President’. Monte-Cristans keep the tradition of calling familiarly their current Ruler 'le Padre', but only among themselves.

Previous POPPs of note:
-Pausole ‘the Thelemite’ edicted the 2-articles Constitution:
-art.1 : Do no harm to your fellow man,
-art.2 : This fairly understood, live as you wish.
He had also the first Presipapal Manor built above the ruins of a small castle overlooking the ‘Villa’, the original settlement of the Black Company in Monte-Cristo the City.

-Pierre Louys ‘the Tryphemite’ stipulated that ugliness rather than nudity being obscene, young and faily built people can go all naked.

- Dyane-Adeline, the only POPPess so far; she resigned when she felt «No longer young and fair enough to be the representative of our dear Presipality». The breeding of the Adelain horses and the introduction of the Petit Bordeur dogs date from her rule (O5."9 comment).

-Fabrice Louys ‘the Blue Prince’ replaced the Manor with the current Presipapal Palace –a kind of microVersailles. The architect and project manager was the famous Hercule Kiricanhonlenc, the Britton disciple of Mansard and Le Notre.


MONTE-CRISTAN CHARACTERS OF NOTE:
-Bernard, a brother of Louys and current Designated Successor. He knows, would Louys die prematurately,that he would actually act as a Regent until a younger heir comes to age.

-Pierre, one of Louys' sons and a promising candidate to the succession.


-Angele de Polihacrilamide, heiress of one of des Entommeures’ battalion commanders and thus a Monte-Cristan Dame of high status. Known for her litterary and philosophical tea parties with, as a pivot, the erudite Chevalier Couillon de Bulture. Could be the most senior among the POPP’s 366 wives and thus the 'Top Centerfold' of their SPIDER web.




Given her exquisite courteousness and irresistible tact, Angele is in practice the chargé d'affaires having to receive the foreign petitioners sent by Churches, Governments, Lodges and other lobbies to remonstrate with the Presipality about our ways and protest about the 'bad example' we are giving abroad; and to delicately tell them to go and fuck themselves elsewhere.
(popular Monte-Cristan image)



-Louis-Ferdinand Celine de Saint-Gobain, Counsellor to the Relations with Resident Foreigners, is rumoured (again, a rumour Monte-Cristans keep carefully to themselves) to be the head of the (‘secret’) Bureau de la Surete Nationale. The special agents, the Operatifs, are said to operate only in Monte-Cristan territory in collaboration with the POPP’s wives, who fully take over in foreign countries.


- Professeur Prunel de Meyzieu-Chassieu is the current Chairman of the Academie de Medecine and Head of the Hopital Public. The European leading authority in ophtalmology, its famous sentence "Ce cas de choree me turlupine!" helped to grant him Monte-Cristan nationality. An ardent opponent to homeopathy, he demonstrated beyond any doubt the total ineffectiveness of Jus Couillorum 16C as contraceptive. But -as it's generally the case in Monte-Cristo- the good Professor is more than he seems: he published under the pseudonym of "Dr. Jest" a medical thesaurus entitled 'The Most Sensitive Areas of the Human Body, or, The Therapy against Mutism and Lies'. As such, the Investigateurs and the BSN go to his expertise.



-Edgar Allan Lovecraft de Dunwitch et Innsmouth, Permanent Secretary of the Monte-Cristan Academy of Sciences. His main duty is actually to auction at international level the innovative military technologies devised by the Physics and Engineering Department (R&D branch) of the Academy. Yet an outstanding scientist, known and admired by all Philosophical Societies of Europe, specially for his monumental monograph "De l'Influence des Pollutions Nocturnes sur l'Habitat Urbain".



-An amateur composer of some reputation, Dieudonné E. Tronssec, ex-Maire de Frêche is firstly the Secretaire Permanent of the Monte-Cristan College of Heraldry; under his knowledgeable direction the College, among other revelations, recently unearthed the ‘private’ motto of a Reich Ducal family (12."8 comment), demonstrated that the ruling lines of Dunkeldorf-Pfühl, Stagonia, Waldreck and Loathar not only share a common, if illegitimate, ancestry but are closely interlinked by numerous adulterous cross-breedings (O3."9 comment) and discovered the blood relationship of the Monte-Cristan POPPs with Elizabeth Bathory (O1."9 comment). The College is in charge of the encyclopedic portfolio of foreign uniforms and flags Louys has compiled by our renowned uniformologist and painter FL Funcken. Author of the famous saying: "Il n'y a aucun rapport, meme sexuel, entre la reine d'Angleterre et les rennes du Grand Nord.". An avid reader of ancient texts, he recently published a commentary of the 'Book of Revelations', asserting to have identified the individual name of the Four Horsemen. He is now tracking allusions to a possible '5th Rider' who may have left the (war)band before the records. Following his example, several of his younger colleagues conduct unconventional researches during their spare time (1O & 11."9 commentS). Furthermore, his studies in 'Comparative Euro-Indian mythology' (11."9 commentS) recently earned him the deserved title of 'Chairman of the Historical Section' in the Presipapal Academy.




-These four State Servants play an essential part in the diplomacy and economy of the Presipality, being ultimately responsible of the V.I.P. (Visiting Important Persons)'s lucrative satisfaction: (clockwise) Parmyriad Aboultonpez is the outstanding Directrice Generale of the Presipapal Bank for Sustainable Development and Constantly Increasing Profit, Mrs Creutzfeldt, Jacob & Delafon constitute the trimuvirat at the head of the touristic complex constituted by Casino, the Bains-Thermes and the Paris H. Palace.



-Both Mouillenbese Clito, veuve Poignet (reputed to have in her time collected handfuls of seamen in her service) (left) and Monique Rienquaucu-Pamarais (right) are librarians at the Palace Bibliotheque Privee, and according to rumours members of the POPP's 'Wives Body' (retired, theoretically, for the 1st). Mouillenbese discovered her vocation when searching the Library for 'useful' (e.g. murderous) recipes and is now Archiviste en Second. Her interest teased by d'Erlette's Cultes des Goules she had accidentally found hidden behind Petrus Binsfeldius' De Confessionibus Maleficarum et Sagarum and Francesco Maria Guazzo's Compendium Maleficarum in a secret cabinet of the Library, she actively searched Europe for similar grimoires. Thanks to her efforts, Orden's lost Book of Counted Shadows as reconstructed by Kahlan Amnell and Cara Mason, Prinn's De Vermis Mysteriis, von Junz's Unaussprechlichen Kulten, Zicoton l'Erudit's Versets Sataniques, an Aramean translation of Pharaoh Pipiamididis' 'Travels of the bâ', the Latin Liber Ivonis, the Greek Pnakotica, the Clavicula Salomonis, earlier Clavis Salomonis and Judas S. von Ziegenfelzen ("St Judas of the Night")'s Grimoire Stein were added to the Bibliotheque (as well as, incidentally, an exhaustive, abundantly illustrated copy of the Kama Sutra); but what makes her specially proud is the recent acquisition (theft with murder?) of an unvaluable copy of John Dee's edition of the Necronomicon. Part of her knowledge she published (under a pseudonym) as the Dictionnaire Infernal. But she is not only a compiler of genius level, she is also a practitioner: she made a Main de Gloire, tested the Aiguillettes on several unpleasant foreign visitors and by and audacious synthesis of several rituals wrote the ultimate exorcism: "Vade Recto, Shaganass!" Only one person in Monte-Cristo shares her peculiar center of interest with the same passion, but a person of importance. Whispered gossip has Mouillenbese in charge of the investigations about the mysterious Ordre du Phenix.
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Charming Monique (nicknamed "2 qui la tiennent, 3 qui la n...", re. one of her aphorisms: "Men are like fingers, you need 5 to get a full hand") is as yet only a junior Archivist, but already made her name known in some very special circles with her essay 'De l'Assassinat considere comme un des Beaux Arts'. A convinced feminist, each time she ears of a women under repulsive male domination she makes a copy to be delivered to the victim by her 'Sisters' of the 'Service'; she is herself a field specialist of difficult 'Lord Randall' / 'Dame Lombarde' operations. An outstanding chemist, the Bureau Noir of the Academy invites her whenever faced with specially difficult analyses, such as recently that of the mysterious counterfeit Scandalusian coins (11."8 comment - an 'almost' full report was of course conveyed to the Scandalusian authorities).
Her scientific aphorisms perfectly reflect Monte-Cristan philosophy. Chemical: "Ne jamais oublier que dans Benzodiazepine il y a pine!"; botanical -poison specialists have to be master herbalists: "Renonculacees? Jamais assez!". Currently part of the team trying to stabilize the terrific 'explosive oil' synthesized by a freaky Hetzenberger nun (she favors absorption by sawdust or diatomaceous earth), she was so glad that the gifted 'Sister Bang' was granted an artillery lieutenancy, and pesters Louys to send her under any excuse to Hetzenberg so that she can meet such a brilliant sister in applied chemistry.
Hearsay has Monique, together with Emilie du Chatelet [and probably at least another 'wife'], currently at the head of the mysterious Korai (O4.07."11 comments below): so much the more interesting as the reputedly peaceful and merciful Daughters of Athena (they see as an aspect of Lilith...) were sometimes compared -in the context of extreme cases of misogyny or obscurantism- with the Hashishiyyin.


- Claire Baizanville, sous-lieutenant aux Gardes de l’Etrier, ex 'privateer' then professional duelist, is the most lethal of BSN Opératifs. While L-F C de Saint-Gobain's agents normally operate mostly in the Presipality, she volunteered to carry on her utterly dangerous bodyguard mission to Paris and then Barcelona.



-Victoria Aubade-Chantelle, who began as a seamstress / milliner apprentice, is now a leading couturier acclaimed at continental level. She uses the best productions of the Soyeux of Lyons and Dentellieres of Le Puy for her speciality, what made her an unique fashion designer: appealing women’s clothes for moments of intimacy. Her negliges, deshabilles and other seductive creations of lingerie that make a women "less than naked, more than naked" are eagerly sought for (and sometimes anathematized) by the upper classes in whole Europe and the colonies. They are now a major export of the Presipality – and sometimes a tool of its diplomacy: while France has the Secret du Roy, Monte-Cristo has Victoria’s Secret.



-Culculine d’Ancone and Prospere de Roopett are the two most celebrated ‘Madams’ of Monte-Cristo, and close friends despite their professional rivalry.

‘Le Morpion qui Vole’ (‘The Flying Body Crab’), with its red lanterns and flowered colonial balconies, adjoins ‘La Maison du Soleil Levant’ (‘The House of the Rising Sun’) with its paper lanterns and asiatic beauties (and its impressive rikishis [Sumo wrestlers] bouncers, Hichiduoduma, Hischidsu, Hitiroku and Paykipu), in the middle of the fabled Rue de Bourbon (Bourbon Street) - named in honor of Henri IV of France who recognized the independence of Monte-Cristo.










Both are reliable BSN and SPIDER informers and stout supporters of the Presipapal actions.










Note that -except on january 27 (day of Santa Divota in Nice and Corsica), august 15 and on the occasion of private feasts such as 'bachelor bashes', these generally with the participation of the bride- such institutions are patronized only by visiting foreigners: Monte-Cristans mock them for paying good money for what can be obtained for free with charm, wit and pleasant conversation.

As for the Monte-Cristan Holy Sisters of St Jezebel… better read this comment.

WHAT'S WHAT

Emblem: the dark pink ‘Mermaid in Beauty’, formerly a brothel sign in Marseilles.

By millenia-old tradition, in Monte-Cristo august 15th is dedicated to the Moon and to a mysterious female entity known since the Middle-Ages as Fada Esterella, Esterelle the Fay. With time the Mermaid of the banner became assimilated to a new, amphibious-Melusine like, aspect of this 'Landlady of the peninsula', associated with the moon and wolves, yet protector of roe does -and storysingers. Not that rationalist Monte-Cristans *believe* in her, but they cherish their traditions, so much the more as they are parochial and set them apart from their French and Italian neighbors (if, as a few whispered rumours have it, the POPP's Gardes and his Epouses have peculiar traditions, secret lore and rituals of their own, in the same way they certainly are only a cement of their respective Corps, not real 'cults') and thus sing her praises.

[Then, the mermaid was also confusedly associated in the collective memory with a toned down image of another, dreadful, mythological being.]

At least two of Alfonso X's Cantigas de Santa Maria ('Por que nos ajamos' {Noit Et Dia} and 'Desto fez Santa Maria' {Da que Deus} are actually Galician translations (substituting 'Santa Maria' for 'D'a Esterella', 'Virgen' for 'Fada' and 'christianizing' several references) of older songs (originally in Early Italian) still popular with Monte-Cristan children. Beautiful Salva nos and Veni Bella also referred to her (and still do in the versions sung here). Several references to 'The Mare born from three times threes waves', 'Lilith / The Black Moon', the 'Lady in black', some interventions of Fees in the Matter of France, Goethe's 'Der Erlkoenig' (through Herder's 'Erlkoenigs Tochter'), Keats' 'La Belle Dame sans Merci', Vigny's 'Eloa la Soeur des Anges' as well as Brentano's, Heine's and others' 'Loreley' appear to be echoes, distorted, 'reversed' by centuries of oral transmission in prejudiced Christian lands, of *benevolent* interventions of the Brava Fada (La Princesa Dolca De Provenca) still sung as such in the Presipality as nursery rhymes. Another one, many details of which reappear in 'The Rime of the Ancyent Marinere', has a Genovese sailor stranded on the waterless islet of Montecristo: the necklace holding an albatross's skull breaks, rain and then a rescue boat come when out of desperation he prays La Esterella Reina. Some (±distorted?) stories have her helping betrayed and mistreated women to get their revenge in a most cruel way. In the known fragments of a few tales (which are among those most closely associating her with a roedoe) she shows striking similarities with what would have been the common archaic origin of several female characters of Irish tradition: the two Medb, Clothru mother of Lugaid Riab ndearg, the Flaith of the tales of Niall Noigiallach and Lugaid Laigde. Here she appears extremely promiscuous ('Never with a man without another man in his shadow'); the expression 'To offer the friendship of her thighs' so often used (and put to practice) in Monte-Cristo comes from one of these stories. As does, oddly, the triple prerequisite for a Monte-Cristan ruler: 'Without jealousy, without fear, without meanness'. She also share features with the Morrigan, at least in her warrior aspect as Reina Guerriera. Indeed in that same 'warring' note, several adventures of Bradamante / Britomart repeat exploits of Esterella as wielder of the Espada Fada ('Fay Sword') Frusberta (now known as the Witchblade?): for centuries every Monte-Cristan composer of note -and then some!- put her epic saga in music; in this warrior aspect she sometimes bears a magical weapon, the Bigatano Esluci, oddly identical to Scathach's 'Gae Bolga'. Crows are traditionally associated with her (though this, or at least the detail 'specially if alone or by three', appears to be a contamination by the mythos of another supernatural female entity). By an opposite contamination, St Jezebel whom the Black Company had adopted with the darkest humour as 'the Patron of lost causes' (comment) softened in Monte-Cristo into 'Our Lady of the Night'.Yet another contamination is at the origin of the rare references to the 'Ten Who Were Taken ' as her retinue. Maybe her association with roedoes (seemingly in contradiction with her title of 'Queen of Wolves') also comes from a contamination, as her popular assimilation to the April Queen: all her other features belong to the brahmin- kshatriya / Ases field (nov.30"09 comment). Unless -as some 'revisionist' Monte-Cristan scholars claim- her 'Spring Queen' status and association with roedoes & crows are remnants of her original 'trifunctional' nature, the benevolent and peaceful 'fertility' aspect having largely fell in oblivion during the troubled times from the Dark Ages to the last Saracen raids?

In a related vein, according to a very ancient local variant of the Tres Santei Marias de la Mar legend, the Three Marys were accompanied not only by Joseph of Arimathea, Maissemin and Sara la Negra the 'Egyptian' servant -as in the official tradition, but also by the son Mary Magdalene have had with Jesus. When his mother retired to the Santa Bauma, Sangreal built an oradour where the Sant-Pieloum is now, then wandered down Southeastward to the sea shore, settled in our peninsula he named in memory of his parents, and sired the first ruling line of Monte-Cristo. Rationalist modern Monte-Cristans treasure the story (7th comment) but don't take it seriously.

Geography: a peninsula on the mediterranean shore, concealed in every map under the black line marking the border between France and Piedmont-Savoy. Actually more of an island linked to the shore by a very low and narrow levee.

Economy: =Mainly based on the export of (grossly overpriced) high-quality goods.

-sea foodstuff: salted anchovies, smoked scorpion fish fillets, marinaded octopi, squids and lobster tails.

-delicacies: fruits either dried or candied, jellies, almond and quince pastes, fruit drops, candied ginger, liquorice sticks, rose- and orange-blossom-perfumed marshmallows, pine seeds nougat, pine seeds pralines and dragees, various candies.

-beverages: sparkling Rose, Anised Absinth (50% alcohol, normally consumed as a long drink; the local recipe includes a little elixir from the Monte-Cristan ‘Dream’ smoking herb –not tobacco), Monte-Cristo Green (theoretically a quasi-universal medicine with 75% alcohol, helps also to digest strong emotions; a recipe elaborated by monks centuries ago –sold with a green lizard in each bottle). Anised Absinth and MC Green are State monopolies.

-Perfumery, cosmetics and medicines: very expensive perfumes (the latest, 'Ario d'Argento' reaches a truly exorbitant price), eaux de Cologne, after-shaves, shampooes (both Monte-Cristan innovations), relaxing and aphrodisiac bath salts, perfumed soaps, ointments, balsams. All from the State Perfumery, and the bottles come from the Presipapal artistic glass workshop.

=Plus, the huge profits from the State-owned thermal Baths and Casino.

Very peculiar sighting: weather permitting, the youngs -and many of those not so young but still of fair appearance- wear only a pair of shoes: this seems so natural here that, for instance, the Presipapal gardeners clipping the edges of the local variety of Butcher's Broom (Ruscus enculatus) don't dress more when official visitors walk among the parterrres and massifs fleuris.

On sunny days (more than 3/4 of the year) this traditional costume of young & /or fair Monte-Cristans led to the development of a leisure activity peculiar to the Presipality, 'sunbathing', enthusiastically adopted by many foreign visitors. To prevent sunburns, our apothecaries elaborated pleasantly fragrant protective creams, milks and oils.

Where and when to visit:



= The great complex built by Louys, comprising the Baths, the Grand Parc Recreatif, the Casino and the Museum des Arts et Sciences.

Everywhere you can count on the same exquisite discretion as in the Banque Presipapale.

= The festive week of Mardi-Gras (the Grande Parade Rue de Bourbon is not to be missed) and the holydays of Saint-Sulfond (the unofficial Monte-Cristan national festival).

 

But, Monte-Cristan conviviality is equally genial throughout the year

Though of course the 'Tens Clar'
(the fair season, here march-october)
is more... propitious

Then, watch for announcements of periodical Arte del designo expositions at the

Musee des Arts et Sciences and music festivals at the Theatre de Verdure.

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Mont-Cristan young women's dress: in the harshest winter (left), most of the time (right)
(note at her neck, instead of a cross, the traditional pitchoun)

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As for a very partial glimpse of Monte-Cristan gastronomy, see there, and the 1O.28."7 & O5."8 entries and the second part of the O1.08."9 comment there. In addition, each of the numerous Monte-Cristan holidays has at least one special course (generally a pastry) attached; while it is unseemly to enjoy it before the fixed date (except on the day of St. Sulfond, when all known meals can be enjoyed -but with the exception so far, by sympathy for Louys' everlasting grief, of the Limousin recipes associated with the Jour-Denise), this is perfectly permissible later in the year: thus as autumn becomes late, the choice of delicacies one can ask for increases sumptuously. Many visitors appreciate this as a compensation for the less and less glorious weather -and the clothes young Monte-Cristans now begin to wear. Besides, this traditional restriction is in reference to the 'old' calendar ('fossilized' in the suffixes of september to december) having the year beginning on march 1st: thus the many delicacies of the Calendau period can be enjoyed during most of winter (the components of the 13 desserts are individually available all the year round).
Indeed Monte-Cristan cooking has two roots: the local tradition (that of Marseilles, basically) and the heritage of the very mixed bunch of the Black Company and its camp followers; greatly enriched by a century and a half of gourmand eclecticism -adventurous Monte-Cristans serving abroad generally bring back an 'exotic' recipe or three, then cherished in their home as a familial heirdom. -though, if requiring expensive imported ingredients, cooked only for family feasts and the day of St Sulfond.
Yet Monte-Cristans always add touchs of their own: for the 'tiny plus of taste' they use brown cassonade rather than white, 'refined' sugar in jams and pastries -for some recipes, the wealthy ones even prefer an expensive concentrate of honey (lavender, rose, mimosa or -imported- fir tree bud). Pignons (pine seeds) are widely used -in macaroons and other 'dry' cakes, crushed in stuffings and terrines, as a systematic substitute of almonds in pastries, nougat and pralines. Monte-Cristans tend to overuse orange blossom water in confectionery and juniper berries in other dishes -currently, they are tempted to experiment with a little eucalyptus in every recipe.



Monte-Cristans are also testing the addition of eucalyptus to tobacco -indeed many families already have their own home-made mix of different crops varieties (?), subtly (or not so) flavored with mint leaves, rose petals, lime-blossom, verbena, lemon peel, fennel, rosemary, lavender or even powdered black or red chili pepper. The Palace sees here an as yet untapped source of lucrative exports; our visitors are cordially invited to seize any opportunity of sampling this rich diversity at any opportunity.

Very few Monte-Cristans ever heard of Paul Corinthians I, but all knew the obligation for female Christians and Muslims to cover their hair is correlated with their inferior, under tutelage, status. Hence Monte-Cristan girls and women wear a hat or headscarf only when very inclement weather or burning sun make it compulsory; and they care to always let some hair free.

Souvenir de Monte-Cristo