A Traveler's Guide to Monte-Cristo

(last update: O4.16."14)

THE PRESIPALITY OF MONTE-CRISTO
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This obscure country reached its peak of happiness and welfare (if not glory) by the ‘Tricorn’ times. It was later submerged during and by the tsunami of Revolutionary and Napoleonic wars, and so forgotten that a French novelist could later use its name for an explicitly fictitious country without prompting any comment.

GEOGRAPHY
It is said that "Happy peoples have no History": more importantly perhaps "Happy peoples do NOT appear in other peoples' Histories", and Monte-Cristo was blessed by Geography. Do not search it on old maps: not only its territory is really tiny, but Monte-Cristo is *always* under that thick black line marking the border between France and the County of Nice (belonging then to the Kingdom of Savoy). So none was sure of who owned it, and while both Kingdoms had the border watched by their customs officers, none sent tax collectors – more important for the Monte-Cristans than any national allegiance. Topographically, Monte-Cristo is not even a true peninsula like Monaco; rather an island linked to the main land by a rather long isthmus so low and narrow that it would be flooded half the time is the Mediterranean was tidal. Furthermore, this part of the mainland shore is swampy, and main 'coastal' roads make an inland detour. So, unless having some real business to do in Monte-Cristo, no one would bother to make a detour to visit this Pearl of the Cote d’Azur.




HISTORY
The recorded History of Monte-Cristo starts at the end of the French Wars of Religion –they have not spared the peninsula: the monastery, all records, all churches and what passed for a town had been thoroughly burned down. Here came one Francois des Entommeures, defrocked abbot turned successful warhound, with his now loot-loaded but unemployed Free Company. Now, as most soldiers, pirates and other blooded adventurers, François and his men just dreamed of a farmer’s quiet end of life, in a quiet removed corner of the world. Where someone holding revolted memories of the past (ex)actions of the Compagnie Noire, the 'Black Company' (as it was known – François had a good sense of communication) would have a hard time to find them. For instance, all those captains and brothers in arms in other outfits who discovered the disappearance of their silver teaspoons and other war treasures, coincidently just after des Entommeures Company had left the camp. So the Black Company settled here; on the ruins of what had been a rather small town they built for themselves the equivalent of an imperial roman ‘villa’ – a self-sufficient, mainly agricultural domaisne. They had the required skills, most of them having began life doing a peaceful job, before total destruction left them with no other possibility than join the soldiery.

François wished to be accepted by the population (to be immerged within it is the best way to pass unnoticed by outsiders- but he was also an humanist at heart) and to fully integrate it in what was the equivalent of the political life. In the Black Company, like among a pirate crew, harsh discipline was associated with a rough form of democracy, so des Entommures submitted his leadership on their new country to a vote. It was the very first time in human memory that someone cared to ask the Monte-Cristans for their opinion, and they were begining to really *like* those armed strangers who did not rape nor took what they want and burned what they could not carry away. So of course they approved any proposal, including the rather heretic view that women were voters the same as men (for François, the female camp followers were as respectable veterans as any of his men, and full members of his Company; it was highly significant -and consequential- that on the very first 'turning of the Year' following the settlement of the Company in the peninsula women (from among the Company's followers, at first) began to enter the Solstice night 'armed dance' of the local tradition so far reserved to men). Voting right for women, like abolition of slavery, was later forgotten in the Code Napoléon. So it was instituted that the rule of the Prince, and of his proposed heir later, had to be validated by public acclamation: hence his title of Prince Ovationné par le Peuple comme Président (Prince Ovationned as President by the People), POPP for short, and the designation of Monte-Cristo as a Presipality. Actually François, no longer captain, was nicknamed ‘Padre’ for his religious background, and the unofficial but affectionate title passed to his successors.

[As a matter of fact, the native population was quite prepared to grant civic equality to women. The mentality, worldview, 'ideology' of any human group is reflected -and moulded again every generation- by the corpus of traditional tales and song that make its cultural identity. In the peninsula, the most essential component of local 'folk lore' -rooted in the oldest Celtic heritage and since Late Roman times obstinately resisting Christian suppression as scattered elements hidden in fairy tales and children's rhymes- is the rich mythos of a (quasi-?)divine warrior sorceress-queen (a few traces show that from the times of the Greek city that was to become Marseille to early Renaissance she was known from the Rhone valley to the gulf of Genoa). As for the members of the Black Company, they already tended to see their female followers as fellow veterans; during their last years of campaigning and wandering, the camp was organized and policed by the Council of Women.]



Some of the initial decrees were rather drastic. To prevent the return of religion-based bloodshed, rebuilding any chapel or church was officially forbidden. Unofficially, everybody knew that ‘La Désolation’ was not a new agricultural building overusing environment-unfriendly fertilizers but a chapel dedicated to Virgin Santa Maria de la Desolacion (the priest who consecrated it was a Spanish Jesuit), and that the merry burgess living here was a Catholic priest with civilian clothes and habits, the jovial curé Pugnan. Similarly, 'La Contraception' is NOT a Clinic practicing pregnancy termination (a family business, here) but a chapel dedicated by the very same Jesuit to Virgin Santa Maria de la Contracepcion. Yet atheism is general, and the popular invocation of St Jezebel is devoid of any true religious content (the very, very peculiar monastic order devoted to this Sainte may have originated in Saxe-Burlap und Schleswig-Beerstein, or a neighbouring country of the Gaensebluemchen Kreis). For the newcomer, the most striking discovery is that bells mark the hours rather than the daily and weekly rythms of the religious practice; Sunday, besides being a non-working day (yypee!) is basically the day when pastrycooks sell whipped cream...

Another decision, based on the observation that individual wealth gives power and that power corrupts, was that any enterprise that could not be carried out at the lower familial level had to be cooperative (or State-owned). Since serfdom had never been officially abolished, every acre of land, the mill, the baker’s oven, the public fountain… were theoretically the property of some unknown Lord: to receive full property of their lands and homes was enough to satisfy the ambitions of any Monte-Cristan for several generations. And, because of their natural inclination, the next generations preferred the lenient rule of the Padre to the feverish influence of some hyperactive greedy entrepreneur.
The restrictions on hunting were also willingly accepted (until then he activity had been strictly forbidden, anyway): because of the importance of the Fada Esterella mythos in their culture, Monte-Cristans feel a deep respect for wild beasts; besides, not to overexploit the fauna (for fear of exhaust it) suited perfectly the natural tendency of Monte-Cristans not to overexploit themselves physically for fear of exhaustion. Those mad keen on shooting gathered regularly to shoot down berets – the most propitious piece of garment to be thrown as a flying target. On special occasions team competitions were organized, the winner having punched most holes in the berets of the other team color.


Besides, and perhaps with more long-term effects, the first POPP invested highly in two directions: education and distillery.
Education previously was the duty of the Church ; now it was free, non-religious and compulsory up to the age of twelve. The credo of the Padre was that education gives freedom of choice. You can chose to forget what you learned at the University and go shepherding, but what choice has one who never left the company of his parent’s sheep? So a good part of the (respectable) loot gathered for years by the mercenary was initially used to invite competent teachers. Allowance were paid for those wishing to keep studying after twelve, as a compensation for their absence at the family farm, shop or workshop. Generous grants were alloted to the few wishing to study further in foreign Universities, provided their discipline was deemed useful for the Presipality: a few jurists – the less the best, but you need some solicitors on the French model to write honest contracts, and a few judges (but barristers/ lawyers none: lawyers (and insurance brokers) are free game and shot on sight in Monte-Cristo) but mainly teachers, doctors, surgeons, apothecaries, dentists, veterinarians...

As for the boys wishing to become master craftsmen, they are when late adolescents encouraged by State grants (though by tradition they are expected to return with exactly the same sum as when leaving -but then receive twice it again) to go 'waltzing' for three years and one day, doing either their Tour de France or Giro of Italy, learning their trade as successively apprentices of these countries most competent masters. The Presipality encourage them to learn also from the most progressive, if not yet fully acknowledged by their peers, craftsmen in order to bring back the most recent innovations and techniques.


Then, since nowhere in Europe women could enjoy advanced studies, des Entommeures had the staff of the Public Hospital offering free courses of medical sciences specially to girls (Monte-Cristans at first, then foreigners were willingly accepted). In fact the female followers of the Black Company, whatever their other 'trade', had always doubled as nurses and sick berth attendants. After a common-core course, all specialties were to be taught, midwives, herborists, bonesetters, hedgedoctors were to pass on their knowledge, Arab physicians and surgeons were invited. At first not every 'year' of each course opened every year, for lack of students, but the Ecole Floriana de Medecine des Demoiselles is now a continental success; its annual feast is on feb. 1st, Jour de Bregida and feast of the midwives in Monte-Cristo. (The school is named after an outstanding physician, 'Florian' Croaker the chief surgeon of the Black Company, who dressed like a man and masqueraded as one in the presence of strangers, but was actually a lesbian woman of very noble birth, being of Bourbon-Valois blood. Everybody in the Company and among its regular followers was aware of the fact, and nobody cared).

Dyane-Adeline added a veterinary division, now reputedly the most advanced worldwide.

A century later the Academie des Sciences created on similar lines the Ecole de Sciences des Demoiselles, built on Le Pet du Bidou, a small hill dominating the Plan-de-Bèz berm, by then just outside the limits of Monte-Cristo - the - City. Some of the most exceptional women of the century discovered themselves there.

Seemingly a connection of some kind exists between the Monte-Cristan unique Ecoles des Demoiselles and the mysterious sorority of the Korai (O4.07."11 comments).



Like many others, the burned monastery had distilled –as a medicine, of course– his strong green liqueur. It had the repute to heal anything (for a moment at least), from foot corn to headache, from hemorrhoids to toothache, furuncles and broken hearts. The recipe had been recovered, so the POPP built a large, up-to-date distillery in his ‘Ville Neuve’, with an eye on export. Locally the liqueur was highly appreciated, but used only as a medicine (reputedly far better to taste and more efficient than the famous Liqueur Seminale concocted by the monks of the Seminat abbey). It was common knowledge that at least 37 different plants had to be progressively added during the 3 years maturation process, but as the monks had said it required also ‘a lot of human sweat’, no one among the uninitiated (now everyone except the POPP and very few chosen apothecaries involved in the production) knew if it has to be taken figuratively or literaly, and silly rumors about other human fluids were whispered. Of course, to be efficient a medicine has to be somehow disgusting, but not an aperitive or digestive spirit… But as an export the ‘Monte-Cristo Green’ (some 78% alcohol) was a confirmed success, specially when the custom was instituted to place a green lizard within each bottle, as a very distinctive trademark. The profits represent a large part of the Presipality income and help to keep taxes at a very low level (for the natives – the sojourn taxes for foreigners, merchants or the occasional tourist are one quite another register).


Monte-Cristans traditionally grow a peculiar smoking herb –not tobacco but a plant oddly related to the ropemaking industry. Its medicinal and relaxing properties are undiscuted, but for some reason exports are kept unofficial. On the other end, foreigners visiting Monte-Cristo greatly enjoy it and buy it in impressive amounts when departing.


Next generation, the Constitution proclaimed (and approved by popular referendum) by POPP Pausole ‘the Thelemite’ :
"-art.1 : Thou shalt not harm thy fellow man,
-art.2 : This fairly understood, live as you like."
insured a rather quiet political and social life.

Another law introduced by POPP Pierre Louys ‘the Tryphemite’ stipulated that ugliness rather than nudity being obscene, young and fairly built people can go all naked (though most still wear shoes, and some form of head protection against the sun at its hottest) while old or ugly are to wear a complete burka. But, as most Monte-Cristan laws, this one was officially declared ‘incitative rather than coercive’. Nevertheless it was soon the traditional costume of the youth, weather permitting. Such three-pieces dress is known as the 'Trikini', becoming 'Monokini' when barefoot. Male foreigners who misunderstand the nakedness of nubile Monte-Cristans soon feed the lobsters and crayfishs – a major product of local fishing.
The traditional costume of young & /or fair Monte-Cristans is propitious to a leisure activity peculiar to the Presipality, 'sunbathing', enthusiastically adopted by many foreign visitors.
This in turn led to the development of a new branch of cosmetics industry: to prevent sunburns, our apothecaries elaborated various protective creams, milks and oils with pleasant fragrances. Not a major export product, unfortunately, 'sunbathing' being rarely if ever practiced outside Monte-Cristo.

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(For obvious reasons many illustrations here (right, e.g.) show Monte-Cristo and Monte-Cristans in -specially harsh- winter ->)

- Such sighting you'll never watch in our sun-blessed Presipality!

(Then, being 'Mediterannean', when they dress Monte-Cristans tend to favour rather 'flamboyant'costumes.)

Among those outstanding women who, intrigued by the civic equality between sexes in the Presipality, visited us in previous century, both Catalina de Erauso and Julie "Mademoiselle Maupin" d'Aubigny stayed in Monte-Cristo for mutually enjoyed prolonged sojourns. The memorable impression they left here significantly contributed to our ethics, culture, philosophy and world-view.

Yet, their influence has nothing to do with the fondness of many 'militant' Monte-Cristans of the Fair Sex for female crows (Corvus corone).
It's not coincidental that, soon after Monte-Cristan cultural influence reached the Pangaean Reich, several damsels and ladies there discovered their nature of 'Free Amazons' and made their 'coming out'.

This local evolution in the vision of women is reflected in the way traditional tales rooted in the medieval Matiere de France are now told to Monte-Cristan children.
More often than not, rather than 'heroines' who scream and have to be rescued, the main female characters are henceforth badass female 'heroes'. Indeed women replaced a good half or previously male heroes; replaced them in *all* aspects.
This evolution of mentalities spreads wherever Monte-Cristo gets some cultural influence.

MONTE-CRISTO BY THE MID. 18° CENTURY

Life is essentially rural. Taxes are low and the living is easy. Among remnants of old feudal duties is the ‘Saracens Watch’, each male in turn having to pass some time in one of the small igloo-like watchposts that crown every high ground along the shore. These millenium-old hemispherical huts are totally covered by ivy, the shadow within is extremely pleasant, so nobody complains to be dispensed periodically from work to keep the watch (the watch is kept night and day, turns from dusk to dawn counting double).

To maintain the roads and bridges is also a collective duty, but traffic is low and landslides quite rare.

And so early in the morning
at the dawning of the day
They went out into the hayfield
to have some sport and play;
And what they did there,
she never would declare...

 Monte-Cristans (in French Monte-Cristois {inv.}, fem. Monte-Cristoise[s]) are a merry (yet practical: comment) bunch fond of festive holidays, good food and music and always ready to assimilate novelties in these favourite fields of interest. See the rich holidays calendar of the Presipality, and a new feast, the Jour-Denise has recently be added to it (see may 15 "08 entry). On next ("08) Winter Solstice a description of some traditions attached to the continuous series of 12 festive days from dec. 21 to jan. 1st will be posted. As for gastronomy, a few traditional dishes are listed there -a very minor part of the rich local menu: of which a few special delicacies are presented in the O1.06"9 comment. Monte-Cristans are eager to add new meals from other traditons (see may 15 "08 entry) and to try new foods (see oct. 28 "07 entry). Similarly for music and dances: see several may "08 entries.



Popular music is traditionally performed by a pair of instrumentalists, a cabrettaire bagpiper and a tambourinaire playing simultaneously pipe and drum (similar to the English pipe and tabor but the galoubet and high tambourin of Provence are quite different from the whittle and dub of England; besides the tambourinaire plays ‘true’ real music, not merely accompanying clowns performances or bear dances!). When performing softly indoors for a small audience -e.g. at home within their family- the pair often plays galoubet & tambourin a cordes (psalterium) and vielle
a roue (hurdy gurdy) instead.

Traditional music from Limousin, brought here by Lady Denise, is very popular, if sometimes boldly reinterpreted. Many cabrettaires now follow the Limousin practice to wear small bells at an ankle to mark the beat.

Impromptu performance in the Grand Parc Récréatif

(if the tambourinaire is visible on the left, the cabrettaire is hidden by the dancers)

 

The national fondness for music led to the creation of several annual festivals, specially that of Baroque.
In parallel to the official performances musicians come from whole Europe and all around the Mediterranean Sea to play for free in the streets and squares in exchange of Monte-Cristan generous hospitality; while people here appreciate the style of the official festival, they greatly enjoy the foreigners' barbarian -yet often showing a laudable syncretism -Dutchs, Germans and Swiss playing tunes from Britanny and supporting quasi-Maghrebin displays- unofficial performances (sometimes oddly very old-fashioned) culminating in a whole night concert in the Grand Parc Recreatif. In what other countries are official festivals an excuse for such spontaneous, oecumenical popular street parties? Monte-Cristan tastes being eclectic, expositions of Arte del designo are traditionally associated with music festivals.

Very few Monte-Cristans keep practicing a sport after childhood (except '2 battes’ -fencing with a long, heavy staff in one hand and a light cane in the other- and shooting -beret hunting- but more as a civic duty than an enjoyment): the weather is hot and Presipality residents (foreigners are soon converted) judge they sweat enough at work -or prefer to keep their energy for other, more enjoyable, activities. Merrily dancing, preferably in the coolness of the early night, is their only favored "other" physical exercise -not only, as could be expected the traditional farandole of Provence, but others from from various French provinces. Yet bowling is practiced, at least casually, by virtually the whole population. But to tell the truth, while everywhere else (e.g. boules Lyonnaises in France, boulas longas in Provence...) the players make a short run to gain impetus before throwing the bowl, in Monte-Cristo bowling is played pes tancats ("feet anchored") and even an invalid in a chair can enjoy it. This way of playing bowls, la petanca, requires more skill than brute strength, and thus is played by women as well as by men: indeed most teams entering competition are mixtes, in accordance with general Monte-Cristan way of life. Also, while 'normal' bowls need a special field more than 30 yards long surrounded by strong fences ("clos"), la boule a petanque can be played on any small ground reasonably flat and even -specially in every square, in large cours under the plane trees, or small placettes, even in quiet streets; and of course on beaches and in glades of pinedes.
Then, when the weather is unfavorable to petanque (too hot, or rainy), Monte-Cristans passionately play Jo del granouio in the fresh back rooms of inns, taverns and even fashionable cafes.
A sport practised by only a few aficionados but that all Monte-Cristans like to watch is water jousting ("joutes Lyonnaises"): the jousters, wielding a long pole and a washboard-like wooden shield, stand on a wooden platform at the stern of small oared crafts; as the two competing crafts pass each other, each jouster uses his pole to push his opponent off the platform and into the water.




The famous Monte-Cristan 'zerokini'
(from the excellent Pirates à Neeuw Guelden)

Less striking than the nudity of the youth, but equally common and original, and even more traditional, is the viewing of a goat pulling a mini-cart. Not only in the farms, but also in the City, anybody having to carry loads uses such (among them the marchandes de coco, who in summer sell cold their maceration of reglisse in lemon water, but hot spiced wine in winter). The practice is said to date from the Wars of Religion, when not a single donkey, mule, horse or ox was still alive in the peninsula. Goats are of the large chevre du rove breed, with peculiar, lyre-shaped horns.




The lovely Petits Bordeurs are the Monte-Cristan companions par excellence. The breed was brought from Northumberland by Dyane-Adeline, great-aunt of the current ruler (O5."9 comment).


Deep under the Palace *huge* amounts of salted ice and packed snow, imported every winter from the Alps, are stored in a network of glacieres, so that cold drinks, ice creams and sorbets can be served the whole year around at the Presipapal receptions (and, on special and hideously expensive order, in private rooms of the Casino).


In the Ecoles des Demoiselles female foreign students from whole Europe now outnumber the Monte-Cristans: some of them turn outs as outstanding personalities, the pride of their Ecole and of the whole Presipality. Medicine, surgery, dentistery are by far the more advanced of the known world. Neonatal and postparturition mortalities are less than a quarter as everywhere else - a good thing, given the limited resources of the Presipality, that Monte-Cristans spontaneously follow a strict policy of birth control aiming to keep population merely constant.

Since Monte-Cristo has no Grande Ecole or University for male students, there is no equivalent influx of young foreigners. Yet, since the reign of Louis XIV in France turned severe under the influence of Mme de Maintenon, open-minded fathers (in a still tiny but steadily increasing number) try to free the most promising of their sons of their educational blinkers by sending them to serve as young Pages at the Presipapal Palace, so they take on freethinking and independent, personal, un-prejudiced reflection. Some now come from as far as Enteburg in Pangaea: they always -like the female pages and students- keep fond memories of their sojourn in Monte-Cristo, where tender wishes are fulfilled and pains of love forgotten. Decades after leaving, Le Petit Prince Lord Fauntleroy de Saint-Exupery still boasts about his delicious experiences here.

The officially secular (and officiously atheistic) nature of the Monte-Cristan regime notwithstanding, visiting foreigners engaged in theological debate as well as nationals undertaking exegeses of religious writings (1O."09 comment) are more than welcome to the outstanding richness of the Academie's and Palace libraries -and are generally enlightened by their sojourn (portraits of the same cardinal before he left for Monte-Cristo and when he came back home); some are even oddly reluctant to leave (comment). The "famous" Pere Dupanloup and the Bavarian ruler made a long and appreciated stay here.

 








Women in Monte-Cristo maintain several Sororities of unusual nature (comment); and foreigners are quite surprised by the activities of some ladies' clubs (conclusion of comment).
It should not be forgotten that, from the age of 10 *all* female Monte-Cristans have their personal scythe blade turned into a machete and train in its use. This self-defense weapon is always at hand when a foreign man of unknown disposition is in the vicinity.
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A weak corps of vigiles, 1/4 only being full-time professionals, is quite enough to police the Presipality (the Monte-Cristans are as peaceful as they are vocal), and double as firefighters. The military is limited to a platoon of Presipapal Guards, retired from service in foreign armies.
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Monte-Cristan ‘aristocracy’ is recent and rather unconcerned about its own ‘nobility’. Besides the Presipapal line, Monte-Cristo has a few (often of surprising nature, for a foreigner) major Persons and Characters.


Political life: to put it bluntly there is none.
At State level, des Entommeures wanted to be elected: an opportunity to merge the original Monte-Cristans and the retired mercenaries in a single electorate, shaken then cemented by the novel idea of total civic equality, regardless of birth, wealth, class, origin, race or sex. This happened only once: afterwards the Presipapal election became very indirect, merely the annual confirmation by popular ballot of the chosen successor. Any negative vote –or merely a vote less enthusiastic than usual- would of course reflect political discontent, but it never happened so far. Monte-Cristans are quite happy as they are and as yet never felt any urge to change the lovingly quiet and uneventful political statu quo.

The municipal elections are devoid of any ‘political’ content. Actually what in Monte-Cristo approximates best political divisions elsewhere is probably the difference (not *different*) between those who, for the Kings' cake of jan. 06 (cf. 12. "8 entry), prefer a crown-shaped round brioche and those concealing the feve in a rather flat galette. But these 'alignments' are not solid opposed blocks, each being divided in 'chapels' stuffing the cake with frangipane, crushed pralines, marzipan, almonds gianduja; furthermore, in about half the houses honeyed pine nuts replace almonds in the filling confection. And anyway peoples don’t take the differences dramatically: in the afternoon left over slices are exchanged with neighbors, preferably of ‘different conviction’ so that in the end everybody enjoys several types of cake. Very Monte-Cristan!

Not that Monte-Cristans are politically indifferent, naive, irresponsible or alienated, quite the opposite. But they are unanimous. They perfectly know they live a privilegied life, and that it’s not a mere gift of a fair climate. They are fully aware of what life is like elsewhere, being as a whole more traveled than most people of the time. Many young men seek adventure as soldiers or sailors in foreign service for a few years before settling back. Other take ‘escorting’ the exported merchandises or touring the foreign importers and major buyers as an excuse for traveling abroad; and not a few go to foreign universities. Young women have less opportunities to leave the Presipality, yet some are part of ‘commercial missions’ and a few travel as attendants of the POPP’s «wives». And foreign students of the Ecoles des Demoiselles -the only place in the world where women can benefit from high school and university level education- are as a rule, for personal reasons, bitterly critical of the customs in their own country. So Monte-Cristans perfectly know their easy, relaxed way of life to be a marvelous exception. They also know that most of their beloved peculiarities are seen almost everywhere else as loathsome ‘bad examples’, and that people are prone to compel their neighbors to ‘behave correctly’. Thus they don’t want to jeopardize their precious originality by weakening the Presipality with disagreements and bickerings about what are, in the end, unimportant matters. The memories of the atrocities by outsiders raiding the peninsula for ‘heretics’ combined with the ‘It’s us against the whole world’ ethos of the Black Company to give Monte-Cristans a deep sense of ‘identity’ / ‘difference’ and ‘unity againt the outer world’.

Not surprisingly, Monte-Cristans have a very low opinion of political ballots as practiced elsewhere (right) -even if they appreciate witty slogans such as "Coupez les nouilles au Secateur!".


And those who, misled by the lazy, frivolous Monte-Cristan life would believe those gentle ‘peace & love’ dream-herb growers to be an easy prey would know a very, very unpleasant surprise.

 Allegory of the warrior virtues of

Monte-Cristonnes

Young Monte-Cristan dressed for guerilla

Monte-Cristans use to place small bags of lavender in their linen cupboards for the pleasant fragrance, and also reportedly to protect the linen from clothes moths and mold. Most visitors take lots of these bags when leaving, but Monte-Crisan officious consuls / trade coordinators everywhere also have some to sell or offer as tokens.


Monte-Cristo exports mainly sea food -salted anchovy, but also marinated lobster tails and squids, smoked murene, sterilized & bottled bouillabaisse...- and products of its agriculture: jams -fig jam, pure or with rose petals, simple or flavoured with either vanilla, green lemon peel, orange tree flowers, anise, saffron, groove, clove, ginger, nutmeg... is specially appreciated, pine seeds nougat (black as well as white), pralines, dragees and bonbons, dried fruits (abricots, figs, several types of grapes), and since the mid-17° century its candied fruits are known all around the western mediterranean sea. As for beverages the weak local rosé wine is only drunk locally, but its recent bubbly variant is gaining a (probably excessive) reputation. Symmetrically the ‘Double A’ , a strong decoction of anise and absinth to be used as a ‘long drink’, is rather shunned by the natives (they know better) but widely exported.

(artist)

Since the last years of Louis XIV of France the POPPs encouraged and subsidized flower-growing, mainly as a source of perfumes. Either as crude essential oils or processed into lotions, oils, milks, toilet waters, expensive perfumes, unguents or salves, the products of Monte Cristan perfumery are said to be known, and even used, from Gibraltar to Edimburg, from Lorient to Saint-Petersburg. All products are ‘directly from the farm’ or from cooperatives. Additionally the first POPP created a small artistic glass-workshop, the Manufacture, in his Ville Neuve, and the creations of Monte-Cristan glass-blowers, as delicate as brittle, are highly appreciated in the highest Courts.




Lingerie de Haute Couture recently became a world-wide famous –if sometimes anathematized- Monte-Cristan speciality and major export. That it was to Monte-Cristo to see appealing lingerie really emerge as a special class of dress and be developed to an art, is probably an echo to the casual public nudity of the youth, a woman in such apparel being 'less than naked, more than naked'.

Monte-Cristan dresses are the latest fashion and trendy craziness in the upper circles of whole Europe, but oddly are worn only in private parties?

These 3 Monte-Cristan projects answer a call to tender by a foreign ruler for the Garde du Dedans (indoors) 'presentable' uniform {the 'private' one being already chosen} of his currently raised Maiden Guard (the middle one of course completed by an elegant tricorne). The chosen one will in any case be in red and white, the colors of altar boys.





Recently the Manufacture added to its activities the production of Rococo porcelain figurines (of standardized scale: human males in miniatures are ca. 2 inch high). L'Orchestre Singe (actually of almost human size; masters sculpted by the talented J.J.Kaendler-Meissen) is currently the most popular set.

In accordance with the Monte-Cristan ethos a note relating the great yearly political rendez-vous of the Presipality was an excuse for a listing of the numerous festive 'days off'. Regarding artistic tastes read this official announcement. As for a very partial glimpse of Monte-Cristan gastronomy, see (again) there, and the 1O.28."7 & O5."8 entries and the second part of the O1.08."9 comment there.

RECENT DEVELOPMENTS OF INTERNATIONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Official visit of the French galleys from Marseille escorting Mme de Pompadour aboard La Réale. 

 The Duchesse de Chevreuse and the Maréchale de Belle-Isle accompanied the Favorite, having convinced her to use a pilgrimage to La Santa Bauma as an excuse for going to the Presipality. During the private reception at the Palace, after a concert of instrumental baroque music and a musical play of the Monte-Cristan Dit de Sangréal the POPP presented her Queen Anne's diamond 'ferrets' which had been lost during the Fronde, and complimented her as 'the new Dame de Beauté'. Following a new musical, mostly vocal, entertainment including the song 'The King had the drums beaten' about a marchioness poisoned by the jealous Queen it was agreed that henceforth two ladies from Monte-Cristo would be permanently attending the Marquise as her private camériste and secretary: a good opportunity for the Presipapal Service to have two (more?) agents well placed in the Court at Versailles.

Since the settling down of the Compagnie Noire, the Presipapal foreign policy has for constant basis the simple idea that no one would bother about a tiny country, away from main commercial roads, he knows practically nothing about: better to be ignored than invaded! So Monte-Cristo keeps an extremely low profile in *open* diplomacy and participation to international affairs (5th comment). But to this purely 'passive' defense ("Pour vivre heureux vivons cachés") was recently added / substituted -for a part- an ingenious introduction to public knowledge in the 'Upper Spheres' of the Western World.


The current POPP is fully aware of the ominous boots and saber rattlings that shake the whole Continent, and perfectly aware that being, small, innocuous, retired and deprived of any strategical value would not suffice to protect Monte-Cristo from a general conflagration. Memories of the Wars of Religion are not forgotten. As for an ‘armed neutrality’, Monte-Cristo is not Switzerland and would barely repel two Xebec-loads of pirates from the Barbary Coast - even if des Entommeures cared to weave links with potential allies..

So to save the neutrality of his little country the POPP took a rather innovative approach. In time of war small neutral countries not only are swarming with spies and agents of every kind, but –specially if the weather and cooking are pleasant– are the place of choice for those secret, unofficial contacts that always precede open negotiations. Such places soon become of such importance for the belligerents (and powerful neutrals) that all tacitly agree to respect and protect their neutrality and sovereignty. And such convenient Neutrals make a *lot* of money. Having a bank recognized for its total discretion is a bonus in such circumstances, so the POPP created one, vaunting its secrecy and system of back doors (as in any well-kept bordello, those who leave do not meet those who enter): the Presipapal Bank for Sustainable Development and Constantly Increasing Profit (under the control of a truly remarkable Sephardi woman, Parmyriad Aboultonpez - though she may actually be an Yddish exile from the Levitzer Rabbinate, fleeing both the Piety Police and the Rebbe's tax collectors). Now, it has to be confessed that, its heavenly weather notwithstanding, people need a credible excuse to come to such a backward place as Monte-Cristo. Fortunately the country has several hot thermal springs, which had some repute for water cures in the late medieval times, specially when one enterprising bishop linked them to the popular legend of the Three «Saintes Maries de la Mer». The POPP rebuilt the thermal baths and, in an additional stroke of genius, invented what we know now as ‘thalassotherapy’. No spa without a Casino, so a luxurious one was built. Here you can ‘accidentally’ chance upon ‘interesting’ personalities, and *huge* amounts of gold change hands daily here as ‘gambling debts’. To ensure all visitors a pleasant staying and bedding, the Palace organizes twice yearly richly rewarded hotels & inns competitions / contests: last winner was l'Auberge du Chien qui Pete ahead of l'Hotel du Cul Tourne, but actually cooking and lodging are cosy in all establishments.

Flyers (their images varying with the addressee) abundantly vaunting the new cure, the perfect weather blessing Monte-Cristo, the selectively popular Casino, the secrecy of the Presipapal Bank and the odd vestimentary habits of the younger part of its population -as well as as well as, 'under the cloak', rather audaciously illustrated promotional calendars- were distributed in any Court of Europe, from the most powerful ones to the 300+ minor in the Holy Empire. The bait for undercover diplomats was set.

 

{For additional information, Monte-cristan diplomacy is commented upon there; chiefly, scroll down to the bottom of the 'updates' post: many more recent entries there, and most of the 19 comments following also add new details to the description of the Presipality, so start from the top and keep scrolling down... And of course, according to 'local' practice, comments below *this* post are mine and expand it, so scroll down here also!}

Our Damsels School

Foreign lady leaving the Presipality
(Monte-Cristan allegories)


Note the bagpiper on the left; and no, the gentleman on the right (could be a Garde in off-duty 'fantasy' dress) is NOT urinating in the bowl.


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Italian painter Cesare Detti recorded his happy sojourn among us

Seemingly, French painter Guillaume Seignac was more... honest about his encounters in the Presipality (or about their dress).