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(last update: O3.11."13)
(last update: O3.11."13)
The Bureau des Sciences Appliquees et de l’Ingenierie, a Branch of the Presipapal Academy of Sciences, is proud to reveal some of the recent innovative creations of the Institut Munchausen. Named after the well-known Baron who greatly honored us by working one full year here as its Consulting Director, the Institut, now under the enlightened and dynamic direction of Pr. Otto Sigurd Nemopholist, Ph D, with Dr. Albert Robida as Maitre-Assistant, is actually the *Internal* Research and Development Section of the BSAI. The ‘Service des Recherches Exterieures’ is indeed an independent Agency directly under Presipapal control: very little is known about it, other than that it could be also bear an other name (an often whispered acronym is generally quoted).
Among these new devices of warfare let us mention the ‘Carabine Culassiere’, the ‘Crache-Mitraille’, the ‘Canon-Obusier Culassier’, the ‘Artillerie Volante’, the ‘Taupe-Behemoth a Vapeur’, the ‘Petardier Subaquatique’, the ‘Esquif Aerien’…..
The technical description of these new (sometimes dubbed 'Lacepunk') weapons and war engines is the object of some twenty Patents, distributed among four great categories:
(some posts updated O3.11."13)
Engines of Apocalyptic War and Horrendous Destruction being totally alien to the 'Peace & Love' ethos of Monte-Cristo, each of the 21 projects will be sold anonymously by mail auction. Neither the names nor the total number of the bidders will be published. The entry fee is fixed to 1,000 Louis d’Or (or the equivalent in Swiss currency) for each of the 21 auctions. Outbidded (even id indirectly, when two patents are auctioned separatly but have to be attributed together) competitors will know by how much, so they can improve their proposals. All auctions to be closed by the day of Saint Michel, the Warrior Archangel, at noon.
The winners –once their payment accepted by the Presipapal Bank for Sustainable Development and Constantly Increasing Profit– will receive (in a plainly brown-wrapped, unmarked, parcel) all relevant technical drawings and descriptions, building instructions and directions for use, together with the certified acts of intellectual property. Their identity, and the amount paid, will be kept secret.
Send serious proposals to the Board of Lucrative Patents, the Presipapal Palace, Monte-Cristo.
Edgar Allan Lovecraft de Dunwitch et Innsmouth, Permanent Secretary of the Monte-Cristan Academy of Sciences.
Our earliest propotypes were demonstrated in various European Capitals.
But we firmly hope such contraptions will never make such cataclysmic dystopian visions of the future a reality.
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A note to the bleeding-heart pacifists: before screaming your revulsion, learn about the *far more dangerous and inhuman* engines of horrendous death routinely carried by the soldiery of those mysterious Civilizations of the Antipodes, Ameri-go and the so-called 'Half-Continent'.
Those familiar with Monte-Cristan 'peace and love' ethos will not be surprised to learn those engineering achievements we are most proud of are of a gentle and peaceful nature: a brilliant pair of ladies here is developing charming automatons, mostly musical, for the enjoyment of all ages and classes.
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Those familiar with Monte-Cristan 'peace and love' ethos will not be surprised to learn those engineering achievements we are most proud of are of a gentle and peaceful nature: a brilliant pair of ladies here is developing charming automatons, mostly musical, for the enjoyment of all ages and classes.
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Proposal for the Emperor of China
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Baron Munchausen in gallant company
while flying in geese tow
8 comments:
One, who says to be called Frankeinstein, came recently to Monte-Cristo; seemingly, he had left his country in some hurry. Claiming to be a doctor and holder of several Ph. D., he obtained an interview with the staff of the Academie des Sciences: he is now Assistant Extraordinaire a Titre Etranger au Sous-Service ‘Recherche et Developpement’ de la Section ‘Sciences de la Vie’. According to him –but obviously he was able to provide convincing arguments– he had discovered how to use the power of thunderbolt to turn recently deceased bodies into what he describes as ‘Flesh Golems’. ‘Rather stupid but totally obedient and extremely strong, «the perfect soldiers»’ (a secret Presipapal decree was issued to protect him from challenges by Monte-Cristan ex-soldiers). His suggestion is to increase the State income by creating with them a new type of mercenary outfit to be loaned to foreign powers: a ‘Frei Corpse’.
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See comments of the sept 12 post for the diplomatic exchange with TRADGARLAND about 'Advanced Naval Technologies' (with link to a relevant 'disturbing future?' illo.
Some time ago (indeed long before the local authorities were aware of the problem) Monte-Cristan chemists routinely analyzed a sample of Scandalusian counterfeit coinage. They were astounded to discover that the ‘contaminant’ was not tin, but aluminium - a metal extremely difficult to extract from the ore and to work. Actually until then they were totally sure that nobody else even suspected the existence of this new metal. The Monte-Cristan Academie des Sciences always keeps such discoveries secret, while doing an exhaustive search of practical applications, so that eventually the Prince-President can sell a ‘packet patent’ to the highest bidder.
But somebody else knows of aluminium - and can extract and work it so easily as to use it instead of tin for such trivialities as making lightened (but extremely durable) cod pieces. While for Monte-Cristan experts this new metal is far more precious than platinum! Does this amazing revelation give some substance to the rumours whispered in some esoteric circles (mainly in Paris, Lyons and Rennes-le-Château) that the marvelous knowlege of Ancient Atlants was not lost, but passed to Egyptian priests of a minor cult in Memphis (10 @ C in hieroglyphic writing), then to the Masons of the Temple of Jerusalem and finally to the Knights Templars, some of them escaped to Agartha?
Then why would the heirs of the ‘White Cloaks’ want to debase the currency of the Union Real? The French King, or the Pope, would be more likely targets of their delayed vengeance. Unless… unless Joern Carlos XI is a secret descendant of Philippe le Bel? Again there are rumours… The last direct descendant of the ‘Cursed King’ officially died (probably poisoned) during his baptism; then many mutter that a commoner baby had be substituted before the ceremony, so that the sang real did not die. Joan of Arc is supposed to be part of this secret kingly lineage, but the Pucelle de France was born from a minor branch – the main one is still unidentified…
In any case somebody knows of aluminium, and the Presipality hoped (and is still hoping, could the ‘competition’ be … silenced by any mean) to make a huge profit from its discovery (though currently this new metal has no other use than as an extraodinarily expensive erzatz of tin to make saucepans and other kitchen ustensils – but a team of engineers is working very hard on it). The whole Academie and all Monte-Cristan agents were urged to investigate, while the dread Bureau de la Securite Nationale is searching for a local leak.
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"Baron Munchausen seduced the Empress of Russia but did not use of his influence over her to improve the conditions of the enslaved working masses: his outstanding merits notwithstanding, the man is a lustful viper."
A Direktor (who wanted to remain anonymous) of Herrschaden
"As proven by their shared tastes for extraordinary travels and aerial conveyances, Baron Munchausen is the reincarnation of Cyrano de Bergerac; yet Karl Friedrich Hieronymus has a big mouth while Hercule Savinien had a big nose: the unfortunate hazards of metempsychosis."
Madame Blavatsky, Palmist, Crystal ball reader and Tarot drawer, Saint-Medard cemetery, Paris
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RECENT NEWS - PEACEFUL INVENTIONS
Various members of the Munchausen family are hotly debating their 'seniority' and relative precedence in Antipodean PANGAEA:
junior, lateral lines anyway, their grandiose titles notwithstanding (colonial nobility!). The true senior member of the direct Munchausen bloodline, Head of the Munchausen House, THE Munchausen, if of course Baron Hieronymus Carl Friedrich Freiherr von Muenchhausen.
Prince-Cardinal Johan-Louis von Christofberg und Witzboldfeld, Defender of the Faith and Elector Spiritual of the Pangaean Germanic Empire, had the (ambiguous?) pleasure to meet him in Monte-Cristo: the good Baron was paying a visit to the Institut named after him.
Presented with the latest creations of the I.M., while duly impressed by Invited Senior Engineer Lady Ada Augusta, Countess Lovelace's programmable Calculateur Mecanique (core mechanism - plus a kind of keyboard 'upstream', an automated printed and curve drawing apparatus 'downstream'), he was obviously more interested in Thomas Falcon -Jacquard's Orchestre Mecanique combining mechanical organ, harpsichord, violins, percussionsand various 'winds' ('for the show' 'used' by automatons).
Both marvelous machines are powered by a waterwheel, steam engines being so dirty, noisy, heating, smelly and generally obnoxious -crude and unladylike indeed.
(continued)
continued
While the early 'automated' musical instruments were, like the classic musical boxes, controlled by teethed barrels allowing only a very short -if indefinitely repetitive- performance, the partitions for the Orchestre Mecanique are 'written' in a series of punched cards stung together in sequence.
The same ingenious system of catenary punched cards is used to 'programm' the Calculateur Mecanique. Indeed Mr. Falcon-Jacquard and Lady Lovelace designed it together, as a developpment of the 'inversion' of the teeths, the former of the cylinders in musical boxes, the later of the ggears in Pascal's calculator.
It can be used also to control other mechanisms, such as a loom; but, at the request of the (underground) Trade Union of the Canuts (the already underpaid and overexploited workers of the silk industry in Lyons), this last application is kept undisclosed, only two 'programmable looms' being secretly functioning in the Villa, State-owned workshop in Monte-Cristo. On the other hand Lady Lovelace's patented Arithmometre was publicly presented a few months ago.
( Madame Helena Blavatsky, astrologer, crystal gazer, palmist and tarot reader- across from Saint-Medard cemetery, Paris asks us to make clear that she receives on appointement only, and that assignats, billets de banque, lettres de change and cartes de credit are not accepted.)
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WAR BALLOON
Somehow relevant here though, unfortunately, with shakos rather than tricorns: Canyon Flight.
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BARON MUNCHAUSEN's various gallant adventures...
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