Law inforcement in Monte-Cristo

(last update: O4.16."14)

As customs patrollers, the Carabiniers’ work is light. Stuffs highly taxed elsewhere, such as salt or tobacco, are freely produced locally in excess, so there is little incentive to smuggle *into* the Presipality. As to smuggle *from* it –e.g. illegally exporting high-priced products to sell them at discount prices… as any matter threatening the national income, it is considered by both the Government and the public opinion as treason and very, very bad manners. Monte-Cristans are perfectly aware that their welfare and pleasant way of life rest on the export of overpriced, basically useless, goods –that collectively they are leeches at the continental scale, and they firmly intend to keep it unchanged. So the punishment for Monte-Cristans is harsh: despoiled of anything, deprived of the Monte-Cristan nationality, they are expelled with only their clothes on –pockets emptied. Involved foreigners simply disappear from the surface of the Earth; lobsters and crayfishs are abundant and fat along Monte-Cristan shores.

As police officers, Carabiniers have rarely to intervene seriously. Monte-Cristans are basically honest, being quite happy with their lives; and while extremely vocal, even vociferal, when disagreeing, they are naturally peaceful so quarrels almost never turn to actual brawls. It is locally well known that people disagree so loudly precisely to call a third party to interpose, calming down the argument before it escalades to physical violence, and saving face for both sides. There is indeed a cell in every village, and a jail in Monte-Cristo City, but natives know them almost only as sobering up rooms. Grave offenses are punished by long term extra taxation.
Then, death penalty is quasi-automatically applied in ‘capital’ crimes. Death by hanging is applied in case of murder of a Monte-Cristan without extenuating circumstances (justified vengeance ≈*is* an extenuating circumstance, while murder of a foreigner for justified vengeance is not criminal at all). In case of rape or High Treason (such as betraying the secret recipe of some major Monte-Cristan export stuff) the culprit is put to the wheel, castrated, receives molten lead in his open belly and then quartered between four horses; the head is then given to children of the victim's relatives and close friends, to play as they use to do with a ball of stone-loaded rags (the children shoot the ball with their feet, dogs brings it back to them) until the face can no longer be recognizable. The head is then burned, the ashes mixed with dog dung and thrown into a sewer. As for the body, loaded with stone it has already be sent to the crabs and lobsters. All foreigners currently on Monte-Cristan territory are, by law, compelled to witness the execution.

To investigate about serious offences and crimes, the professional Carabiniers include a small body of Investigateurs -with perhaps a few Investigatrices?- most of them (for the males, at least) formed at the Lieutenance de Police of Paris.

Foreigners enter rarely the presipapal jails, or only long enough to calm down or sober up. In case of minor offenses, heavy fines are better for the Treasury. Major offences are never treated in an official trial (it would be bad publicity for the Presipality): the offender simply disappears. If the matter is private, he is dealt with by the offended family while the Carabiniers carefully look elsewhere. If it had been a matter of Security of the State (such as an attempt to steal the recipe of the ‘M.C. Green’, or of a very expensive perfume –Canel Musk, Ambiance d’Ior, Semillante & Petillante B., Denyse & Nyoupette, L'Os d'Ionysos, Histoire d'O, Givenchy-Danl'Akohol…: the French perfurmer Mouduneux was behind the latest attempt) the culprit is «treated» by the (officially mythical) Operatifs of the (officially non-existant) Securite Nationale (see below). No corpse had ever been found. Monte-Cristans kept, or re-discovered (both versions are heard) the secret of the famous Roman cement [the Presipapal Academy of Sciences denies it, but every Monte-Cristan knowns the POPP is just waiting to sell the recipe at the highest price]. This cement can find other uses than to cement building stones: no corpse with both feet in a block of cement ever surfaced again. It is common knowledge that in case of murder or rape the culprit is still alive and conscious when ‘feet cemented’ and thrown to the sea from a boat.

Note: the Monte-Cristan BSN. A persistent rumour (officially denied) suggests that the Counselor for Relations with Resident Foreigners (currently one Chevalier de Saint-Gobain) is actually the head of a secret «Bureau de la Surete Nationale». Among the wild rumours, it is whispered that the Gardes de l’Etrier (and a minor part of the Carabiniers constituting a secret inner circle within the Corps) moonlight as Operatifs. Other Operatifs are said to be recruited from civilians of any position and profession (and even sex), all keeping their open activities and appearing totally ‘normal’, innocuous people. Monte-Cristans are not worried by the (possible) existence of this secret governmental service, since it is said to merely keep an eye for sudden and unwarranted increase of wealth betraying corruption by a foreigner. As for the strangers they are not even supposed to know the existence of ‘rumours’ about the BSN. As a matter of fact, any foreigner that would have been openly approached by a (hypothetical) Operatif of this (theoretically non-existent) Agency ‘on duty’ ever survived to talk about it. If they exist at all, the Operatifs are they are supposed to be called, of course have no uniform. One rumour (perhaps only an urban legend, but one that Monte-Cristans are very careful to keep any stranger ignorant of ) is that they wear a signet ring of any design, with a mobile part disclosing a seal with a dog skull. An actual and verified fact is that a dog’s skull tied to a broom had sometimes be found on the door step of a mysteriously disappeared stranger. The official comment always refers to «some silly kind of pseudo-sorcery», but generally some acquaintances of the missing person then leave the Presipality in an extreme hurry.



Addendum:

We are the denizens of the dark, cloaked in blackest shadow.

This painting from a ‘snapshot’ drawing depicts Investigateurs quietly conducting an arrest, tactfully in the countryside for discretion.










A strong-arm arrest is a rather unusual event, generally in response to the unconciliatory behavior of a drunken or / and overlustful stranger.













Monte-Cristans have a deep sense of humour and enjoy to ridicule themselves: this popular etching entitled ‘An angry Monte-Cristan in Operation’ refers to the officially non-existent Operatifs of the (theoretically hypothetical) Bureau de la Sureté Nationale. Foreigners cannot understand the reference, and it is widely believed that only them have to fear the BSN (them, and those very few Monte-Cristans silly enough to be convinced to betray the Common Good of the Presipality: see punishment earlier in this page).

.

P.S.: a secret State Jail?
Despite official denials, the 'urban legend' (?) of a secret Presipapal jail is enduring. Rumored to be underground in the barren, cursed, 'uninhabited' volcanic islet of Montecristo -taking advantage of the natural fumes to cover up any smoke. Lurid references to dark oubliettes, to iron cage less than 5 feet / side hanging from the ceilings... are commonly associated with the tale. Such a jail would allow to keep 'missing' people alive -for a time or (a fate worse than death?) for life...
Now, it cannot be denied that Carabiniers 'in anti-smuggling patrol' and 'civilian tourists' rent fisherboats to keep a constant, if discret, watch over the islet. Then, the very idea of a hidden political jail can be a cover for other secret activities -such as field tests of new weapons?